is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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