what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
