no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
