R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
