i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
