it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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