I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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