I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
