He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we're making bets on your personal life
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
