quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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