I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
