I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
pray to the hookup gods
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
