That's when you crack a 10am beer
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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