Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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