mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
