Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you had me at cake vodka
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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