He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
