Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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