The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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