Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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