I'm passing your future prison.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
