just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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