I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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