the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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