bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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