doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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