We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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