just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
