I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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