Jerry, you need to find god
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
