Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
