i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
