there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
