good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
