i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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