Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
