Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
