I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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