I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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