going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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