When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You may now shotgun with the bride
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
