I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
