i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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