Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My life is pants optional.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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