i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
