theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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