You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
