So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
