There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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