it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When are your genitals available?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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