you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You took a bar mat shot.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
