Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
