what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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