If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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