i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
